​I hate Valentine’s Day

by Amanda Kerri
Transgender Issues Columnist

I hate Valentine’s Day. Not because I think it’s a completely commercialized holiday invented by the greeting card industry, because it’s not. The holiday's history of ties to romantic love goes back to the age of Chaucer…you know, Chaucer…The Canterbury Tales…the Fourteenth Century and all that, ugh. I hate it for entirely selfish and childish reason, which is the only reason anyone hates annual holidays. Valentine’s Day is my most loathed holiday right behind Arbor Day. Don’t ask why…just don’t.

The reason I hate Valentine’s Day is that I’m always single on that day. Closest I came was about two years ago when my ex cheated on me and ditched me like the last week of January, right after I had spent the money on the non-refundable reservations. I did have reservations for Valentines, so that should count right? Right? Look, just agree so I have some sort of delusion to hold onto.

Seriously though, I’m so reliably single that my Facebook status changes about as regularly as Haley’s Comet comes close enough to see with the naked eye, which is about as frequent as another human will see me naked with their eyes. It would be easy to say that being single on Valentine’s Day is completely my fault, but that’s not fair, it’s at best fifty percent my fault since someone would have to want to date me.

It doesn’t help in the dating game that I’m trans, since dating as trans is pretty much playing a game permanently set on ‘Hardcore’ mode and there being no cheats to the game. There’s that eternal conundrum of being upfront or waiting to tell people about being trans. Being up front means that you’re spared the trouble of having to do the big Crying Game reveal at the end and having the relationship fall apart on that point.

Though with that, you have the problem of not letting people get to know you as a person so they can overcome that hang up. With me that’s not a problem, I’m an awful person from the get go. Though if you wait to tell people after a while, you might get accused of being deceitful or ‘trapping’ a person. So you might get more dates, but the possibility of long term relationships is reduced.

Then you have the fun part of some people wanting to date you but not wanting to be seen in public with you. Oh that’s always a fun one. Romance is not defined by ‘Netflix and Chill.’ Hell, most of the people like that won’t even let you come over to their place. Seriously, they can’t even treat you like a dirty secret in their own home. How fun is that? You don’t get to even go over to their house to be objectified.

These guys are also the type that often wants you to fulfill some sort of fantasy that they otherwise would have to shell out five hundred bucks for from some escort. Look, I’ll do the same, but you’re gonna have to take me out in public first, and before we meet you’ll have to send me a picture from above the waist.

Oh, we also have the super fun issue of how dating you makes other people feel and what other people will think of them. Look, if dating anyone ever makes you uncomfortable about your own identity, just quit. Seriously. When you have to go on some spirit journey to find yourself because of the person you’re dating, then you need to quit dating them, go on your little Walkabout and then come back when you have it figured out.

As for worrying about what other people will think of you, listen up. If any of your friends give you crap about the person you’re dating and it doesn’t pertain to substance abuse, physical abuse, emotional abuse, personal responsibility, or criminal activity, then they are crappy friends who aren’t your friends but someone who wants to have someone to control. They’re the abusive ones. Dating a trans person doesn’t make you less gay or straight. If you or your friends are that hung up on labels then go buy a Louis Vuitton purse and get the hell out of healthy people’s lives.

Yes, Valentine’s and dating in general is no small amount of stress for me and millions of other trans people. Okay fine, people in general. I bring no small amount of my own baggage into it, but seriously, dating a trans person is like flying coach, there’s only so much room for baggage so travel light or else people are gonna pay.

They Gayly- 2/14/2016 @ 9:39 AM CST