“Come out” for the holidays

by Phillip Eugene Zee
iQueer Columnist

Phillip,

I am a lesbian from northern Arkansas from an old-fashioned family. How would you suggest I tell my parents that I am dating a girl out of state and that I want to eventually live with her and get married?

Here's another kicker...my grandparents are hosting Thanksgiving and I really want to take my girlfriend to meet them, see where I grew up, have a great holiday with my family, be a part of all the functions
and begin making memories.

I know that things have really progressed for our community, especially this year, but I don't know if we've come that far. I think I've made my mind up, but I really want to hear your take on it.

Happy Holidays,
Tasha L., Joplin, MO

Hey Tasha,

Thank you for writing in so ‘lesbi-honest’ – you have your mind made up right? Go for it. I am a big believer in weighing the risk higher than the fear, but I can completely understand about analyzing the situation and gaining a third party’s opinion.

So with that, let me give it to you…

Where it may be difficult for you to tell your parents about your life, I suggest the main thing for you to concentrate on is your happiness, confidence and balance on your own. When you do tell them your truth, you can hold your head up high with ‘a smile on your face and love in your heart,’ regardless of what their reaction might be.

I can tell you for me, I got it all. When I told my mother (at age 18) that I was living with my boyfriend she cried for days. She thought she had done something wrong, and there was nothing I could say to convince her otherwise. She called me days later and said she was okay and that she had always known.

For some reason, we as gay individuals always think our parents have no clue, but deep down it’s their own fears of being a bad parent that supersede the truth of the situation which ultimately has nothing to do with us. We tend to put more thoughts into the ‘what if’s’ when it comes to make choices.

As for the grandparents, it sounds like we might be from the same generation with grandparents who still hold onto the traditional values.

As I mentioned, I’m a risk taker because I feel the outcome can be much greater even if it doesn’t go my way. You don’t need to look far for the answers when it’s a simple question. You have the answer, it’s there – now be confident with that and move forward, especially with the advancements made in our community.

I think when you tell your parents, you should sit them down – with just you (not your girlfriend), and speak from your heart. Take my advice above, so sit with confidence and talk with passion – you never know - she, your girlfriend, might get an invite to Thanksgiving. 

Wishing you the best this Holiday season! Boom!

The Gayly – November 22, 2015 @ 1:55 p.m.