“Start by Believing” when your friend says…

What would be your response if a friend told you that she had been raped? Would you believe her, or would you respond with “What were you wearing?” or “Why were you out so late?” or “Were you flirting with him?” Unfortunately, that is the response many women (and men) encounter when they tell a friend or a family member, or make a report to the police, that they have been raped.

A national campaign – Start by Believing - says our reaction, as individuals, hospitals, law enforcement and other first responders, should be to believe the person. Start by Believing is a public awareness campaign designed by End Violence Against Women International (EVAWI) to change the way we respond to rape and sexual assault in our communities.

Their website, www.StartbyBelieving.com, says, “There is no shame when your loved one dies. When your car gets stolen. When you’re diagnosed with cancer. Friends and loved ones gather around you for support. They don’t blame you for ‘bringing it on yourself.’

“It should be the same with sexual violence. Rape and sexual assault are just as unpredictable, just as devastating. But all too often, victims who have the courage to tell someone are blamed for bringing it on themselves. A terrifying attack becomes a source of shame, not support. And the pain - and shame - ripples out with destructive effects on families and communities. Sexual violence hurts everyone.”

Over the last five years, over 130 communities, and four states have put in place Start by Believing campaigns. Oklahoma is one of the states.

Start by Believing - Oklahoma brings awareness to the needs of sexual assault victims, primarily on how the first person a victim confides in after the assault responds to the information.  Each person’s initial reaction is the first step in a long path toward justice and healing.  Knowing how to respond is critical - a negative response can worsen the trauma and foster an environment where sexual assault predators face little or no consequences for their crimes.

The national organization offers several horror stories in material available on their website. One such case, from Maryville, Missouri, is particularly disturbing. “Two high school seniors supply 14-year-old Daisy Coleman with alcohol. One sexually assaults her while the other videotapes it. They leave her on her porch, unconscious, in freezing temperatures. Her mother wakes to find Daisy scratching at the door.

“Within hours, deputies execute a search warrant, seize evidence, conduct interviews, and make arrests. The suspects confess on videotape. The Sheriff says the case will ‘absolutely’ result in prosecutions.

“Daisy is read her Miranda rights and questioned by the prosecutor and defense attorney in a ‘tag team’ deposition. She is asked 690 questions, nearly 500 by the prosecutor. The suspect’s interview with a detective lasts 17 minutes.”

The District Attorney dropped all charges. After months of torment, including Daisy’s mother being fired from her job, the family moving out of Maryville and their unsold house burning to the ground, a special prosecutor is appointed. “Only one suspect is convicted for misdemeanor child endangerment. Daisy later recovers from her third suicide attempt, saying ‘I refuse to be a victim of cruelty any longer. That is why I’m saying my name. That is why I am not shutting up. I am not done fighting yet.’”

Research shows rapists attack an average of six times, which means one failed or negative response can equal five or more victims.  The Start by Believing - Oklahoma campaign will lead the way toward stopping this cycle by creating a positive community response.  The goal is to provide communities with the tools necessary to improve outcomes for victims - one positive and supportive response at a time.

The Oklahoma campaign is robust, and includes many different agencies and organizations. In other states in The Gayly’s area, individual campaigns are in place, including the University of Missouri Hospital in Columbia; the Johnson County, Kansas Sheriff’s office; Options: Domestic and Sexual Abuse Services, Inc. in Hays and Colby counties in Kansas; and the North Little Rock Police Department, Investigation Division in Arkansas.

Oklahoma partners include the Oklahoma Association of Chiefs of Police, Oklahoma Coalition Against Domestic Violence and Sexual Assault, Oklahoma District Attorneys Association, Native Alliance Against Violence, Oklahoma Regional Community Policing Institute, YWCA in OKC, ODAA, OSU-OKC, UCO, OU, Cities of Norman, Owasso, Tuttle, Anadarko, the Wyandotte Tribe and City, Cherokee Nation and the Oklahoma Sheriff’s Association, OKC PD, District 12, and Tulsa PD, Tinker SART Office, Victim’s Services Unit, DV Intervention Services (Drumright and Creek Counties), Woodward Alpha Gamma Sorority, and Margaret Hudson F.A.C.E.S.

Cities, states, agencies, businesses and individuals across the country are encouraged to adopt the campaign in their organization.  For more information about the Oklahoma campaign, contact the Oklahoma Association of Chiefs of Police, (405) 672-1225, or chiefs@theoacp.net.  You may visit the national Start by Believing website at www.startbybelieving.org or, Oklahoma’s website at www.peptalkok.com/sbb/

If you or someone you know has been sexually assaulted, support and resources are available 24 hours a day by calling the Safeline at (800) 522-SAFE (7233).

The Gayly- 4/5/2016 @ 10:04 AM CDT