Dear Alli: ISO: True love

By Allison Blaylock
Transgender Advice Columnist

Dear Alli,

I am an older trans woman living in a small rural town. When I go out, it is so hard to meet nice people who are sincere. When I share my gender status, they think I am desperate and just want sex. I want someone to love also.

How will I find someone to love me? I want to grow older with someone, not just be a one-night stand.

Love, Sarah

Dear Sarah,

I understand that it is hard to find people that can be what we call dating material. The problem that you are having is the same as what our cis-female friends have as well; it is not easy now days to find true dating material people especially since sex is now such a focus on so many peoples’ minds.

Love is a word that is thrown around so much now days that many people do not understand what it truly is to love and to be in love.

I would suggest that rather than starting out of the gate telling people about your gender that you do spend the time talking to them like any other relationship. Use the time to find the common grounds that you may like, what sort of things they are interested in. You can then start to find if this person is someone that you do enjoy spending time with and want to move things forward.

As a transgender person, I know there are so many times that we over-think and focus too much on the situation rather than just enjoying the people and the moment. I will also say that being in a rural area that the people may not be as open-minded, yet you also never know where love blossoms.

Sarah, you can also look to find local events or community gatherings that are within a short driving range of where you live, some communities may host socials and gatherings that will allow you to meet people and truly be your authentic self. I find that social events are many times good places to meet people as it is not a gathering for hook ups.

When you go to clubs, bars, or discos you tend to run more into those that are seeking the one-night stand or very short-term attention. With social media being as big as it is now days, many times you can find events or gatherings that will cater to having that open arena to meet people. I also find that when you talk away from places that are loud you can actually build on the connection level rather than the sex level.

The day will come and as we chase love or relationships, we will never truly find it as it never happens that way. It is always easier to just let things like that come and be free to be yourself.

You are a very special person and when the one who finds you comes along they will realize it, you will then have what you are seeking, the one who loves you not the one that wants to hook up with you.

Ally