Denial: It ain’t just a river in Egypt

Some of the most dangerous rivers in the world share some commonalities: they are deep; they seem deceptively calm and peaceful on the surface; they hide some very dangerous things beneath their surface; and they are powerful forces to be reckoned with. Denial is such a river, a river based on the dangerous and misguided assumption that ignorance is bliss.

With respect to HIV, ignorance is suffering and possible death. In the United States, men who have sex with other men (MSM) make up about two percent of the population, yet they account for more than half of all new HIV infections each year. Many of these men don’t know (or they don’t “know”) that they are infected, so they live their lives, risk becoming very ill without proper treatment, and expose their sex partners to the risk of infection.

The rate of new infections among blacks is eight times higher than for whites, and the rate for Hispanics is three times higher than for whites. Denial contributes to these alarming statistics. If you walk around believing that HIV can’t happen to you, then you fail to take the precautions that might save your life.

We are well into the twenty-first century, yet many people still cling to the old notion that we shouldn’t talk about certain unpleasant things in “polite company.” That notion has always been hard to live with and makes even less sense today than it did back in the day.

Perhaps it is uncomfortable for black and Hispanic communities to accept that black and Hispanic men might be gay or bisexual, but it is a fact that must be acknowledged. Macho mindsets do great damage to the men in these communities, including leading them to deny their sexuality. This denial, in turn, leads many to engage in risky behaviors that put them at greater risk for HIV infection.

As we evolve socially, we have to redefine what it means to be a man or a woman. Sexuality is a component of who we are, and the strength and direction of our desires is a subset of that. You are greater than the total of those components. You are more than any label or stereotype that anyone can place on you. You love and are loved. Others depend on you just as you depend on others.

Every day, look in the mirror and tell yourself that you are who you are, and apologize to no one for that. When you grow comfortable in that fact, you won’t have to swim in denial. When you get out of that treacherous river, you can lower your risks of infection.

By Mary Turner, HIV Health Columnist

The Gayly – November 24, 2014 @ 11:30am