Getting queer and kinky in Kansas City

by Kara Kliewer
Staff Writer

“BDSM encompasses much more than these three words and more people than you would imagine fit the definition of kinky,” said Cara Griswold, a founding member of Kansas City Kinky Women (KCKW).

“Have you ever wanted your partner to smack your ass during sex or have you ever held your lover down in bed? Yes? Sorry to break it to you, but you are kinky.” 

Bondage Discipline Sadomasochism (BDSM) is a term that has many connotations tied to it. Because it can be misunderstood, it is easily joked about or not taken seriously as a safe, enjoyable activity.

To break stereotypes and provide a safe place for the practice of BDSM, those who enjoy it create groups and environments conducive to it. One such group is KCKW.

“We created the group because, although there are  kinky and leather groups in Kansas City, there were no queer women only groups,” noted Griswold. “All three of us (Griswold and founding members) had experienced woman space within the leather community and were longing for that energy. Our intention was to offer a supportive environment where women could learn about and explore their kinky desires.”

Since its beginnings in 2012, KCKW has come to accommodate over 200 members on FetLife and around a dozen at regular meetings.

KCKW tries to be intentional about meeting in public so that people new to the scene can feel comfortable getting to know those involved.

Beyond social outings, KCKW regularly meets at the end of the month for education and play. The sort of play involved primarily revolves around consensual BDSM practices.

“We have offered workshops on everything from sadomasochism 101, rope play, impact play (flogging, caning or spanking), the art of negotiation (this includes a deep conversation about consent), needle play (otherwise known as temporary piercing) or cupping all the way to ‘kinky craft night’,” added Griswold.

Part of education is developing an understanding by someone interested in what exactly BDSM involves.

“There are many people who elect to keep their kinky/edgy activities private - just between them and their lover at home. It is still important to get out and meet with other people, even if it is for workshops or socials. Socializing can help prevent abuse in vanilla and kinky relationships,” notes Griswold.

“So, you don’t have to engage in public play to be a welcome member of our group.”

Bondage and discipline “represent an aspect of domination or submission that one may be drawn to,” said Griswold.

Due to the consensual nature of the group, members feel safe “exploring the feeling of control over another, or conversely, experiencing surrendering to another person.”

Sadomasochism revolves around the desire to feel and inflict pain. However, the sort of pain involved is not to be confused with non-consensual violence or injury related pain.

Rather, risk aware consensual kink (RACK) is practiced providing safety to those partaking. Participants finding pleasure through RACK experience the release of endorphins providing a euphoric sensation or a feeling of calm.

KCKW does not require any dues and welcomes all women within the LGBT+ community including transwomen, bi-women and additionally, transmen (cis-men are not allowed). There is no dress code although members can wear leather and fetish centered clothing.

They can be found on FetLife as “Kansas City Kinky Women” and questions are welcome at KCKinkyWomen@yahoo.com.

“BDSM is a way in which some people face their fears, release emotional pain or push themselves physically or mentally within a safe space surrounded by supportive people,” stated Griswold. “Lose the shame and embarrassment associated with kinky acts. Instead, enjoy the variety, pleasure and intimacy that BDSM offers.”

Copyright The Gayly – November 16, 2017 @ 7:20 a.m. CST.