The measure of life

by Robin Dorner
Editor in Chief

There’s a song in the stage play Rent titled Seasons of Love. In this song, the question is asked, “How do you measure a year?”

“Five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes. How do you measure, measure a year? In daylights, in sunsets? In midnights, in cups of coffee? In inches, in miles? In laughter, in strife?”

So how do you measure life?

In Oklahoma City, we recently lost a very dear friend and tireless advocate in promoting HIV/AIDS awareness and decreasing stigma. His name, Shaun Kamiko.

I’d say Kamiko measured life in smiles and friendships. He had plenty of smiles and many friends.

Last September, The Gayly printed something from Kamiko’s FB page where he said, “I consider myself an activist and an advocate regarding HIV and AIDS. I share my personal stories. I encourage and educate people. I want people to learn from my mistakes. I am doing my part to end the stigma.”

He went on to share about his mother, Brenda Merchant.

“My mother is an activist regarding parenting gay children. She is proud to have successfully raised a gay son. She tells everyone. She counsels parents who come to her for advice. She shares her pains and her triumphs and the road to acceptance...for some parents, it isn't as easy as it was for her.

“The day after I came out to her, she drove to what used to be called The Center and grabbed every pamphlet and piece of literature they offered. She checked out books from the library. She educated herself about the gay experience and HIV. She wanted to understand me and be a better parent and ally. People approach her and ask her how to deal with their 13-year-old son who just told them he's gay...or their 15-year-old daughter they suspect is a lesbian. She shares her thoughts and feelings and helps them understand what their family is going through.”

For most people, it's not that simple. Pressure from society, pressure from your religious beliefs...the conflict that “coming out” can tear a family apart. Kamiko said his mother wanted to do whatever she could to keep families together or repair damaged relationships.

Sadly, this summer, Kamiko was diagnosed with Lymphoma and didn’t know he would die just months after celebrating his 40th birthday. His “Celebration of Life” service was packed with hundreds of people wanting to feel that last little bit of Kamiko still in their heart.

Later in Seasons of Life, there is a line, “Remember a year in the life of friends.” Kamiko did just that.

At his service, his partner, Allan Hernandez said, “I am known to be a man of few words. Remember, life is too short to hold grudges. Hold on to the ones you love.”

In the end, Kamiko had told him not to worry, “I love you and we will be together again,” Hernandez said of some of his partners’ final words.

Shaun’s dear friend and former partner, Saumo Puapuaga first met Shaun in Hawaii in 2004. “While leaving one of the local night clubs, I was greeted by “hey baby!”  At that very moment, his smile left an imprint on my heart.

Puapuaga shared that for a period of time he hid being gay from his family. “And if I could turn back time (yes that was a Cher shout out for Shaun!), I would have done that part differently - to never hide our love.

“Our struggle taught my family and me what real Christian love looks like. It is unconditional love, the kind of love that is patient and kind. It does not envy; it does not boast. It is not proud. It does not dishonor others; it is not self-seeking; it is not easily angered; it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, and always perseveres. Love never fails. (I Corinth. 13:4-8),” he quoted.

Kamiko lived his life to the fullest. He was real and he was loved.

So, how do you measure life?

Dedicated to Shaun Lee Kalaponi Kamiko.
March 14, 1976 – November 5, 2016

Copyright 2016 The Gayly – December 3, 2016 @ 2:20 p.m.