Near death brings new life to trans community

by Brenda Way
Special to The Gayly

On April 16, 2015, at a park bordering the Arkansas River in downtown Wichita, GLSEN held a “Break the Silence” event in conjunction with the National Day of Silence. It was a warm, breezy day and perfect weather for the anti-bullying rally; several different representatives for organizations and churches around the Wichita area came to show their support for LGBT students.

I went to the event, and even though I was among a crowd, I felt completely alone. I was so depressed by the end that I went home and pulled out a box - a grey toolbox. I sat it in front of a closet door and threw a noose I had already made over the closet door. I was set. I was ready to call it quits at least I thought I was.

I put the noose around my neck and prayed for just one reason not to step off this box. I had none. I cried, “Why isn’t there any help? Why isn’t there anything better for the trans community in Wichita?”

Then I got an idea. I talked to Liz Hamor from GLSEN and to Nolan Christensen from The Center of Wichita the following day. We started talking about where I could volunteer and help the trans community. That’s when Nolan said The Center wanted to start a transgender support group. I, of course, was looking to fill my plate so I said I would head it up.

I went home with that idea, that seed, but then I thought that wasn’t enough.

The name I chose for myself, my real name, is Brenda Way. I am a male-to-female lesbian woman. I grew up near Minneapolis and eventually moved to Wichita in 2005. All my life I was bullied and beat up by other kids because I was different. They called me horrible names like ‘faggot’ and ‘homo’ and other slurs. I was always miserable and always questioned who I was, but because of the homophobic slurs it was not my gender identity that I questioned but my sexual identity.

I knew nothing about gender identity until the age of 49.

Forty-one percent of trans people attempt suicide1 and many of these people do so because they are dealing with dysphoria and depression. Thirty percent of trans people report being disabled, either mentally or physically.¹

Why are so many trans people depressed? In my experience, many trans people lose everything when they decide to transition including, but not limited to, family, friends, jobs, and homes. Even though they are happy to finally express their authentic selves, they lose many of the external things that brought them happiness. They often become isolated and become trapped in lives of fear and solitude.

When I first came up with the idea for the Wichita Transgender Community Network (WiTCoN) I went to the only trans activist I knew who lives here in Wichita, Elle Boatman. I had met her briefly a couple of times but already thought of her as a friend. I knocked on her door and said, “I have an idea and I need your opinion.” I was really there for her help. I told her my idea and she said she had been thinking of this idea for years and that she would help. Additionally, Katie Thrace is WiTCoN’s tech support and social media coordinator. (Thank you, Elle and Katie.)

To date, this idea has blossomed into over 70 different trans people and allies who have come to our support and social groups. Our support group is semi-structured and open to both trans people and allies. At most of our support groups we have a guest speaker to talk about a trans related issue such as HRT (hormone replacement therapy), dysphoria (sadness/dissatisfaction), safe and enjoyable sex, self-defense, etc. At our social groups, we have had movie nights, glow golfing and bowling.

We are getting the trans people of Wichita out of their bubble!

We have many others goals besides support and social groups. Printed literature is next on our list and we are currently working on resource guides for the trans community. In these guides, we want to include information such as trans-friendly businesses and services. Transitional housing is a goal we look forward to realizing as well.

We are growing faster than we could have ever imagined and believe it is important for the trans community to be visible at transgender-specific and LGBT-inclusive events and therefore, WiTCoN had a table this year at the TransKansas Conference in Manhattan, KS and also at Wichita PrideFest. But we want to do more than table events and hold support group meetings.

Our future plans for WiTCoN are hopefully to have crisis hotlines with volunteer transgender operators working on staff and hosting discussions with city institutions such as the police and fi re departments. We believe this will lead to a happier and more understood trans community in Wichita.

Most definitely the future holds all my love for the trans community and all the new friends I have made. I hope that my efforts and the efforts of every person who helps and supports us is paying off. I hope that all of the members of WiTCoN know they are loved and cared for and, lastly, I hope that each and every person that reads this loves and supports us, too.

It’s been an amazing journey since April of this year, a journey that almost never happened - and things are looking up for the local transgender community. Also, Elle and I are engaged to be married now and we will soon be moved into our new home. My dreams just keep coming true.

For more information, visit www.witcon.org or on Facebook “witconwichita.”

1. Statistics obtained from the Williams Institute 2014 report.

Co-authored by Elle Boatman, WiTCoN co-founder and editor, a veteran, a mother, a public speaker and writer. She is also founder and creative director of the face of trans (TFOT), a social activism and transgender visibility project based in Wichita, Kansas.