President of PFLAG Norman captures the spirit of the town
by Sara Ritsch
Staff Writer
Norman PFLAG (Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays) president Jim Eller has been in Norman for about one year, and he absolutely loves it – with good reason.
“Not in my two years [in Norman] has there been anything threatening. Although historically it wasn’t welcoming, at this point, my experience of Norman is that it’s a very welcoming community. I’m old enough that I can remember when the police did raids and the VICE squad imprisoned people for being out – this is night and day.”
PFLAG Norman does a variety of things, but namely hosts a monthly support group meeting. It is usually led by a board member who encourages people to introduce themselves and share a bit of their lives. The group evolves, depending on who’s there. There are typically around 30-40 people who talk about what it means to be LGBTQ, “somewhere in the spectrum,” an ally or a parent.
“They’re fairly rich experiences, actually,” Eller says.
“A family comes and says, ‘Our 14-year-old has gender identity questions and thinks he’s maybe trans, gee, where do we turn?’ We’ve got resources in group to make available and network these kinds of things,” Eller explains. “A man, probably 45, says, ‘I can’t even say the word gay.’ He says, the g-word.
“‘But I know I am; I’ve always known I am. I’ve always been ashamed.’ The group says, ‘You don’t have to be ashamed. It’s OK to have reservations.’
“‘At the end of group, he’s going, ‘I think I’m gay,’” Eller laughs. “Of course you are! But to say it out loud, to admit it to himself, it is a watershed moment for him. It’s beautiful actually. The group gives him support, love, care, tenderness.”
Following the tragedy in Orlando at Pulse nightclub, the Chief of Police in Norman called PFLAG to meet with Eller and other leaders. Chief Keith Humphrey reportedly told Eller, “I am the chief of everyone in the community, respective of religion, ethnicity, race, gender, sexual orientation. What can I do to help you? We’re here to help you.”
Humphrey asked what the police department could do to make Pride and their Pride Picnic feel more safe. Not only did he station sympathetic officers at their event, he actually gave them the honor of experiencing an officer announce that he is gay too. “Talk about support!” exclaims Eller. “I don’t know if it gets more welcoming.”
Support groups meet on the second Thursday of each month at 7 p.m. at St. Stephen’s United Methodist Church in Norman. PFLAG also usually has one or two public forums each year featuring a variety of speakers. Last year, they discussed what it means to be transgender, the language behind the issue and the bathroom bills. There were about 130 people at that forum at St. Stephen’s.
“We knocked it out of the park,” Eller says. “People asked good questions, they were sympathetic, asked how to use the gender pronoun – we said, ‘Well, ask the person how they prefer!’” he laughs.
“Part of our agenda is to try to shape and form the culture of our community. We’re going to continue to move the Norman culture in that direction.” And it is moving in that direction – Norman is becoming as progressive as its college culture suggests. In a symbiotic relationship, PFLAG and its members are feeling it, too.
Learn more about the group and how you can get involved on Facebook at PFLAG Norman, OK, where it has a full five stars, or on the web at www.pflagnorman.org.
Copyright 2016 The Gayly - 8/21/2016 @ 8:28 a.m. CDT.