Think you’re better than a bi person?

by Amanda Kerri
Transgender Issues Columnist

My editor pointed out that in September is Bisexual Awareness Week. I didn’t actually know this because, just like Transgender Awareness Week, I already am aware of bisexuality every day since I am in fact bisexual. Transgender and bisexual, yeah, I’m just a sucker for being the odd person out in the LGBTQ community.

I came out as bisexual long before I came out as trans, and I remember hearing for the first time, a little phrase that would soon come to make my teeth grind as much as the phrase, “Vice President Dick Cheney.” I was hanging out with a group of gay men, who when I said I was bi, giggled, “Bi now, gay later!”

Yeah, the whole ‘bi now, gay later thing.’ I think it was my first introduction into how judgmental the LGBT community can be sometimes. That whole aspect of the community made no sense to me, judging other people. It’s so pathological, like when a victim of abuse goes on to abuse another person.

Look, we all know that a lot of people when they come out are confused and still trying to find themselves. Being able to know right from the very start that you are gay or lesbian or trans, is actually a blessing in a way. You don’t have to try to sort out a whole list of experiences and thoughts that often just confuse you even more.

When gay men tease and mock a bi or even a gay person when they are coming out, it’s just passing down the kind of bullying they received when they were younger. Now they want to have someone else to look down on for being further along than these folks, sometimes even more pure. They think they should be given some kind of award for being who they are…some sort of…’Gold Star’.

Oh, lesbians, you thought you were going to get away from this one didn’t you? Nope. You guys are just as bad sometimes. For the most part, yes, the term ‘Gold Star’ is used as a joke, but there are a few out there who are dead serious about it. Like some sort of badge of honor that they figured out who they were before others did. It ends up just being another way to make themselves feel better about who they are because, most likely, they have some issues with liking themselves fully.   

The biggest problem I have seen gays and lesbians having with bisexual people is the belief that they flip-flop, that they want to be able to hop between being gay and straight whenever it suits them. That when it gets tough, they can run back into the straight community and pretend it never happened or “was just a phase for them.” Trust me, straight people often aren’t that thrilled with dating a bi person either for the exact same reasons.

Look gays and lesbians, let’s go ahead and throw this out there right here and now. If anyone, gay or bi goes and leaves you and pretends to be totally straight because of whatever crazy hypothetical situation you imagine; that they get their inheritance back, they get a job, go back to an ex, then it’s got nothing to do with them being bisexual, it has to do with them being a flake and bad person. If they’re willing to ditch you for money, they didn’t love you, or probably even like you that much. You’re actually better off without them in your life.

One of the longest-term relationships I know is between a gay drag queen and a bi guy. They’ve been together at least ten years now, calling each other their husband and considering themselves married long before it was legal in their state. I know couples that wish they could be together that long with that kind of devotion. Yet, here they are, a gay and a bi in a long term committed relationship. When you try to pretend that you’re better than a bi person, or think that they are just playing around with being gay, or going to eventually go “full gay,” you’re passing long the same kind of prejudice and “better than you” attitude that you as a gay or lesbian are subjected to by all those judgmental straight people.

That, Alanis, is what irony is.

The Gayly – September 20, 2015 @ 12:50pm.