Valentine’s Day from the perspective of a commitment-phobe

By Emma Rose Kraus
Journalism Intern   

What does a lesbian bring to the second date? Well, for this lady-loving-lady it’s usually nothing, because unlike the stereotype that pervades society’s opinion of us sapphic women, I tend to opt out of seeing anyone more than once.

It isn’t that I don’t want to find love. Of course I do! My heart flutters for a bright future of shared living spaces and joint checking accounts. There’s just one problem - I’m what you may call a commitment-phobe.

I am the kind of woman who gets all caught up in my anxiety over the little things and possible problems and my own individual freedom that I end up talking myself out of every potential relationship that comes my way after only the first date.

This combination of impossibly high standards and intense anxiety mixed with the selfishness of being in my early-twenties and not wanting anyone to tie me down results in a series of less than desirable flings that end fast and hard.

Thus, in the interest of loving myself and still wanting to feel special for a day, I have decided to forgo dating this Valentine’s Day and take myself out for a good time perfectly crafted by yours truly.

My plans for this February 14th are simple enough; invoke those same fluffy feelings of being special and loved without the anxiety-inducing factor of that second person.

I used to do it more often as a teenager before I came out. I would get all gussied up in my best cocktail dress and take myself to some dimly-lit restaurant or pub where I would make sure I was seated at a table by a window.

Since I’m older now I’ll be ordering a glass of wine with my dinner, a good one too, no skimping this time around. I’ll enjoy my meal without the need for the artless conversation and awkward question and answer sessions so routine to the dating world.

This Valentine’s Day I will put away the phone and pay attention to myself, how I feel and what I am actually thinking about and am interested in. There is a beauty to sitting alone in a public place without any distractions other than one’s own mind. In this age of constant social media updates and text messages I find I miss the days spent simply being myself with only myself for company.

It’s important that we take the time to emphasize what we like and what we want, and who better to remind us of these things than ourselves?

There are times in our lives when we must allow ourselves to be selfish and give in to what our subconscious is asking from us.

Fear of commitment need not be a lifelong affliction, but instead it may be curable, simply by taking a break and listening to our emotions without any outside influence.

Thus, this Valentine’s Day I am making the ultimate commitment; a commitment to myself to be more accepting, more caring and more loving of myself. Through this I hope to become more understanding of what I want and thus more compassionate to the wants and needs of others.

Perhaps I will discover that after this exploration of my feelings I am cured of my relationship anxieties, or maybe I’ll be just as fearful of commitment as before. But, at the very least I hope to associate less of a stigma with this day meant to be about loving and find that I am in a better relationship with myself.