Why not be adventurous? A story of polyamory

by Daniel Aaron Austin
Guest Submission

Polyamory: the philosophy or state of being in love or romantically involved with more than one person at the same time.

Hello, my name is Daniel Aaron Austin. I make films and a podcast in my spare time. My wife and I are polyamorous. Considering most people don’t know what polyamory is and generally struggle to understand its implications when I tell them what that is - I felt it easiest to start this article out with the most ‘Frequently Asked Questions’. We get asked these after people get over the initial shock that I do anything out of the ordinary. (I get told very often that I look like I sell Bibles for a living.)

FAQ: Who brought the idea of polyamory up, you or your wife?

Answer: Before we were married my wife and I asked each other what, in theory, we would be comfortable with outside of societal norms. Polyamory was on a laundry list of lifestyles that we asked each other if we would be comfortable with and, since we are not particularly possessive people, we decided to give it a shot and so far, it works for us.

FAQ: If you want to love and have sex with other people, why did you and your wife get married?

Answer: Because I love my wife and want to be with her for the rest of my life.

FAQ: Are you ever insecure or jealous in your relationship with your wife? If so how do you make it work?

Answer: I believe if you asked a faithful, monogamous couple if they had insecurities they would tell you that they do have them occasionally. Speaking for myself, I notice that occasionally I get jealous or maybe insecure. The remedy for that is always communication and spending some personal time together. I want my wife to be happy and explore everything life has to offer in a responsible and healthy way. As long as we spend time together, communicate and are sexually responsible, I am typically not insecure or jealous.

Since my late teen-age years, I was always confused about the idea that I could only truly love one person, when I felt that I had so much to give to so many people.

The first date I went on with another woman in the beginning of my wife and my transition into being polyamorous, I was so nervous. Not just because I hadn’t been on a first date in four years, but also because I was worried that my wife would change her mind and it would hurt our relationship in the long run.

A girl and I went out for drinks in the Plaza District [OKC] and we had a really good time. I had already explained the concept of my wife and my relationship and this girl was on board. We had several drinks and had a really good time. At the end of the night she and I made out on the side of her car like kids. It was a genuinely fun night. She said she would text me and we both went our separate ways.

On the drive home, I worried that my wife would be waiting for me at the door of our house, disappointed that I had actually gone on the date. On the contrary, my wife was sitting on the couch with our cats and greeted me with a kiss on the cheek and asked all about how my date went. She was happy that I seemed giddy about this girl. I was happy that she had a date planned for the following night.

I have learned many lessons in these relationships, one of the biggest is that I am only one person. I have not experienced everything, been everywhere or have every philosophy known to man. I am not the cosmos bundled into a human being. My wife and I are simply human beings. We love each other to no end.

We also enjoy loving other people both intellectually and sexually. We enjoy going out on dates, hearing people's stories, connecting with others and falling madly in love. We enjoy having new and exciting sexual experiences. We also enjoy having someone to come home to and respectfully tell each other our adventures as we sit on the couch late at night, lying in each other's arms.

Love is not a ‘one size fits all’ scenario and it looks different for many people. Finding what works for you and your partner is difficult and may change as your relationship grows. Finding what makes you and your partner is a lifelong venture and if you both are comfortable with the idea, why not be adventurous along the way?

Copyright 2017 The Gayly – February 13, 2017 @ 1:20 p.m.